The Goal: Every Moment(.) On Purpose

Us males can get sexually turned on even when we don’t intend to be. We can see an image, and it can turn us on against our will. It may be a generalization, but this doesn’t happen like that, or as much, with women (so I hear).

Jesus, exaggerating, says to cut your eyes out of your head (and throw them) if they cause you to lust.

This is a hard saying. Though he was hyperbolizing (hmm. Apple OSX’s Text Edit recognizes hyperbolizing as a valid word. Wordpress does not. I trust Apple more), he was serious about the subject matter. He was talking about internalizing God’s famous Ten Words to the Israelites. Instead of merely refraining from adultery, one shouldn’t even allow adulterous thoughts into his heart.

I wish I could define some terms with Jesus. Lust. This reminds me of the guy who, after Jesus told him to love his neighbor, said to Jesus, “…but who is my neighbor?”

“What do you mean by ‘lust’?”

Which of these thoughts, upon looking at a woman on the front of Cosmopolitan in a grocery store, counts as lust?:

“Wow, she’s beautiful”
“Wow, she’s hot”
“Wow, what smooth skin”
“Wow, nice boobs”
“Wow, I want to have sex with her”
“Wow, I can imagine having sex with her right now… first I’d take of my shirt…”

I don’t know where the line is concerning lust, but I do know that many of us have personal standards, and that’s what I want to work with in this post. Sometimes we find ourselves thinking too much about sex, when we didn’t intend to do so. Or we look at pornography, or masturbate, when we didn’t intend to do so.

Sometimes we do things that we don’t intend to do. This applies to many things, but for the sake of keeping in the series, we’ll apply it to sex.

I’m not sure where to fit this next part in, but I need to get it out there: pornography is not a personal issue. It’s a social issue. I grew up thinking viewing pornography would adversely affect me only. False. One of the most horrific and wide-spread crime industries is human trafficking (including sex trafficking). Most women involved in prostitution/pornography are involved against their will (recommended reading). Accessing pornography perpetuates sex trafficking. Even if you’re looking at both-party consensual pornography, it contributes to the industry demand. It doesn’t matter how many trafficking rings are broken up if the demand continues. Another supplier will rise up.

With that rant out of the way, let’s talk about finding practical ways to behave how you intend.

We tend to be compartmental in thinking about aspects of life. So we assume that we can exercise self control sexually, but, for instance, feed our belly whatever it wants whenever it wants it. However, the truth is that if you cannot control your [diet], then it’s likely you won’t be able to control yourself sexually. So think holistically. If you want to change a pornography habit, consider that you’ll also likely need to change your sleeping habits, homework habits, work habits, etc. I think I’ll write a future post solely about this topic…

Habits remind me of my frequent trips to Boba World in Pasadena with friends (yeah. Boba.com. How’s that for official?). When you got back on the 210 heading East from Fair Oaks Ave. (entering straight into the carpool lane!), there was a groove that my right set of wheels settled into. I could take my hands off of the steering wheel and my Honda would stay in the lane, even when the freeway curved. Habits are like that. They form literal grooves in your brain, that deepen with repetition, so that eventually the behavior can be done in autopilot.

Secondly, habits are like little monster pets, like my Jr. High Tamagotchi. When you indulge in a habit (whether it’s reacting in anger or watering the houseplants every Tuesday), you’re feeding the little monster pet. And the little monster pet gets bigger and stronger. Likewise, if you deny the habit, the little monster pet gets weaker and smaller. If you starve him, he’ll (eventually) die.

If you’re giving up [pornography], consider marking your calendar when you resist the temptation for that day. But if you resist the next day, make a double mark instead. The second day meant more than the first, because you’re more effectively starving your little monster pet. On the third day of resistance, make three marks. If you give in and feed him, you can start over with the marks the next day, or you can decide on a number of marks to take away (I might take away 5 or 10 marks). For more on this idea, or for software that accomplishes this same thing, read Jerry Seinfeld’s philosophy on the matter.

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Often the “battle with lust” is considered a male issue. And so it’s women that are the objects of temptation for men. And so at church beach parties, women are [encouraged] to dress modestly…

Actually, I’m going to refer you to another post, written by Magpie Girl. She says it better than I could ever:

Excerpt:

Women get the message in church quite a bit—that there is something wrong with their physical selves, that their bodies are dangerous and sinful… I mentioned how this message – that women’s bodies were a temptation to men and should therefore be restrained, covered up, and hidden from view as much as possible, was a common message in the church. I explained that the only time women were mentioned as physical beings was in some story about how tempting they were, or perhaps to instruct them on a less revealing dress code while singing in the worship band.

Please read the rest of the post.

I include this to point out that the issue of “purity” is complex and has potential unintended ramifications (like demonizing women’s bodies). Sexual purity of life and thought (especially as a teenager) is not just about not thinking about sex or looking at pornography, just like the Christian life is not just about not sinning. Look at the bigger picture. Purity isn’t the goal. It’s means to a goal. How is purity affecting your union with God? How is it helping you live a full life? How is it helping you become the person God intends for you to become? How is it helping you to help others?

Kashmir - The Curse Of Being A Girl.mp3

Josh here. My wife, Lydia, typed out her experience with sex. She wrote it with the intention of sharing with women only in a private Facebook group, but she was willing to share it here, too, since the articles here were already talking about sex. I think this helps show our candidness- how serious we are about being open to (especially) teens. After the song and image is Lydia’s story.

Warm regards,
Josh

Julie Doiron - Tonight is No Night (Lyrics)

I’m going to tell you a little about myself. Please tell us your story if you would like to.

My story has a happy ending, an idyllic beginning, and cloudy middle.

I was always taught that sex was meant for married couples. I learned this from my parents, in church, and through societal expectations.

I took on this moral standard of saving sex for marriage very seriously. I used to think that I would curl up and die of shame if I ever had sex before marriage.

But, at the same time, when I was a teenager, I wanted to have sex. There were times where I didn’t know if I could keep my commitment to purity. I did though. I almost gave in during a shady relationship in high school, but I kept my promise to remain pure for my future husband.

When I started a romantic relationship with Josh, who shared my goal of saving sex for marriage, we set boundaries. We led an upright relationship (not just figuratively but literally-*snicker*). I look back today and really feel like we were blameless.

We both entered into our marriage as virgins. On our wedding day I was nervous about starting our sexual relationship. It was something that I had waited for all my life, and here I was about to experience it.

We didn’t expect sex to be perfect at first, but we did expect it to be rewarding on our honeymoon for all of our waiting.

We never thought that sex would be a point of contention in our marriage. We had such chemistry and love for each other, and knew that sex was supposed to be good!

It ended up being one of the most difficult things to deal with in our marriage.

We had read books before we got married, and I had talked to a doctor about it, and a couple of my girlfriends were so kind to volunteer some advice. All of that helped but didn’t quite prepare me for the experience.

I just wanted our first experience with intercourse to be full of love making and passion. It wasn’t. It didn’t feel magical or special. And that was very disappointing. It felt like experimentation. It didn’t feel full of love for months.

Our first night of marriage was actually a really good memory. We didn’t have sex but spent a romantic and fun night together in bed at our apartment.

On the second night we arrived late at our honeymoon beach house. I wanted to have sex that night but Josh told me on the way there that he was too exhausted from the drive and didn’t want to try it that night. I was a little disappointed but fine with it.

Then in the middle of the night he changed his mind. *smirk* By then, I was too tired. I went along with his advances for a little while because I wanted to satisfy him and I didn’t want to deny him. But that was a mistake because soon he could see that I was not into it, and he was deeply hurt that I had been so unresponsive towards his first try to have sex with me.

We were successful at the act the next morning, but it was not pleasurable to me, and it was nothing special.

From Josh’s first attempts at sex he was kind of turned off to the idea of having sex with me. He was still wounded. He remained that way for about a month. We had sex but not as much as I thought we should have. I couldn’t believe that I wanted to have sex more than he did. It was a horrible feeling to be a woman who couldn’t get her sexual desires met by her husband. I felt lonely.

We talked to each other about what was going on with our sex life. Josh eventually got over his bad experience with sex.

Our next difficulty was that when he wanted to have sex, I wasn’t in the mood. And wen I wanted to have sex he wasn’t in the mood. We were constantly missing each other in this way. It took a while to balance out. But meanwhile it was hard to a have patience with each other. I think I had that hardest time accepting it when he didn’t want to have sex with me.

We were also having other difficulties in our relationship. The first year of marriage was full of pain and disappointment. But At the mark of the the first year we felt accomplished. We had overcome many challenges together and we were feeling all the better for it.

[Josh speaking: I wrote the following few paragraphs to include in Lydia's story:]

Whenever sex didn’t work out, it was deeply hurtful to me- more hurtful than what makes sense. There’s something about sex that’s tied to my heart and my manhood, and when I experienced failure it rattled me to the core. It was traumatic, actually, and therefore each sex experience would affect future sex attempts (bad experiences could induce a downward spiral. Lucky for us, good experiences eventually created an upward spiral). Most of our sex failures had to do with missing each other’s moods.

Lydia had a belief that she needed to try to have sex with me when I wanted it, even if she didn’t. So we’d start making love, but I received mixed signals. She’d make advances, but I could sense something was wrong. Her lack of passion would make me nervous and hesitant, dooming our experience. It definitely would have been better if she had turned me down before we tried- it wouldn’t have created as many negative associations. Not that I’m blaming it on her. I was often withdrawn emotionally (more or less in the first year of marriage, but exceedingly so in the first few months) because of the shock of being married. When Lydia wanted sex, I would be withdrawn and incapable of joining with her at any level. In this way I communicated that I didn’t want her (or that I didn’t think she was beautiful, or whatever), and each of those events also affected future experiences.

So that’s a description of us missing each other’s moods. But my main point is that it was traumatic, and each experience affected the next. Even when everything was going smoothly, the memory of failure could turn up and ruin the moment. It was bleak sometimes, and very lonely.

[End Josh, start Lydia:]

We’ve been married for three and a half years now. We are doing better than ever. It’s been an upward all the way. There are always challenges that we have to face together and there always will be.

We enjoy meaningful and pleasurable sex together now. We are still working on it!

Take what you may from my story, but here is one thing that I will point out to you. At times I have looked back on my life of sexual purity and I have doubted whether or not all that waiting was worth it. Was it worth it to wait for a disappointing night and a relational trial? Then I remember how much my husband and I have bonded through learning about sex together. I’m glad that I saved this experience to share with him. In our situation, waiting until marriage helped us to be in a position where we could trust each other to be committed to work out our problems together.

One of the things that I regret is having so much fear to learn about sex. I wish that it wouldn’t have been an embarrassing thing to talk about with my mother. I wish that I would have talked to more friends about it. I wish that I would have known more about my body before I entered into a sexual relationship with my husband.

Also, I didn’t allow myself to learn about sex and contraception until sometime into my engagement due to my embarrassment of the topic and fear that it would fill me full of lust. I wish that I would have known earlier about sex and contraception.

Please take note: My story is not everyone’s story. There are many versions of the “first sex story”. Some people have it more difficult than I did, and for some people it really wasn’t that difficult.

Posted by Lydia

First of all, there’s the question, “Is masturbation a sin?”

If yes, then why? Is it a sin because you’re committing adultery with your hand? Is it because fantasies of sex (lust is the Christianese term for it) usually accompany the act? If so, then what if you think about your wife when you masturbate? What if you think about your wife, but you imagine she’s acting a way that she doesn’t normally act? What if you you imagine her with just slightly larger breasts? Is it a sin then? What if you don’t think about anyone at all while you masturbate, but you simply focus on the feeling of your hand?

A few tips for masturbation:

If you think it’s wrong to masturbate, but you end up doing it anyway, you’ll be apt to feel guilty and ashamed after (or even during) masturbation. This is a bad thing. You see, sexual acts demand and supply much association. That is, when you have sex with your wife, feelings of guilt and shame will come up (perhaps in indirect ways), because sex with your wife demanded associations from your other sexual experiences (that time you masturbated and felt horrible about yourself).

In the same manner, if you masturbate in a hurry, to get to the end, you’ll feed an idea that sex is about reaching the end. It will skew your experience when having sex. Instead, when you masturbate, enjoy the experience, and the journey to climax- even if you believe you’re sinning by masturbating in the first place. God doesn’t demand that you feel bad about yourself whenever you sin. I think [he's] more interested in you live your best wherever you find yourself. And if you find yourself masturbating against (part of) your will, make the most of it.

Speaking of making the most of it, take the chance to learn about yourself and your body when masturbating. Consider your breathing. Consider the slope of your ascension to climax. Be creative in what you can consider. Learn about yourself. It will be useful.

And also in the same manner (we’re still talking about how masturbation will create associations for you during your other sexual experiences), if you believe it’s a sin to masturbate, and you’re masturbating anyway, it will be your inclination to block God from your mind, because of the shame you feel. It’s akin to a child hiding from his parents when he knows he’s done something wrong. Except instead of hiding your body from your parents, you’re shielding your thoughts from God. Listen close. If you can let God in when you’re sinning, it’s great practice for letting God in during other times of life. Some scholars will tell you that God can’t be near you when you sin, because, I don’t know, [he] doesn’t like to be exposed to sin or something. I don’t believe this claim. If you believe said scholars, it won’t hurt you to try connecting with God when you’re sinning, right? At worst you won’t sense God, which is what you already expected to happen in the first place. Anyway, if you get in a habit of blocking God out of your mind when you’re masturbating, you’ll still be in that habit when you’re having sex with your wife. And having sex with your wife is a great time to let God in.

Off topic: one couple I knew prayed together before each time they had sex, that God would bless the union. I thought that was a great picture of something (I wasn’t sure what, but I liked how sacred they considered sex, and how they didn’t separate it from God).

Out of the male leaders in my life that I respect and trust, some have said that masturbation is a sin, and some have said that it isn’t. Unfortunately, most have said nothing at all about the topic, and the rest have said very little. One Christian leader said that when Jesus said, “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off,” Jesus was talking about masturbating. I find that to be quite a stretch, and I don’t put stock in that interpretation, although I wouldn’t say it’s beyond consideration. Another place the Bible mentions masturbation is when Judah’s son, Onan, masturbated instead of giving a son to his widowed sister-in-law (an Ancient Near East custom). God killed him for it, by the way, but not for the masturbation in and of itself. This family has been so dysfunctional that I think masturbation was the least of God’s worries. Anyway, I can’t think of any other times the Bible mentions masturbation. This is another topic of which we Westerners have no legacy of wisdom handed down. Personally, I got about a sentence of vague information from my father (who reads my blog. No hard feelings, Dad!), and another single, vaguer sentence from my father-in-law.

Now, I know you’re dying to hear my opinion on whether or not it’s a sin to masturbate. Well, here it is:

In general, when I was a growing young man, my sexual ripeness coincided with my season of zealous pursuing of Christian holiness. Since I believed it to be a sin to masturbate, I tried not to. I deeply appreciate the way this worked out for me, because I was able to have great practice in self-control and self-denial. I was able to practice denying my body. A Biblical author wrote in a letter to someone that since he wants to do so well in life, he would practice denying bodily urges in order to have the wherewithal to perform exquisitely whenever the need arises. I find this to be a great example of self control (theory and practice), and I feel lucky to have had reason to practice self control in the area of masturbation.

As time progressed and I began questioning so many Christian traditions, I of course questioned the wrongness of masturbation. I’ll be specific and frank regarding my opinions:

- It is unhealthy to indulge in fantasies of any nature, sexual or otherwise.

- It is important to train your mind and control your thoughts. Generally, success is thinking about what you intend to think about, as opposed to letting your mind think about things that you don’t intend to think about. This needs to be especially considered when masturbating, because one’s mind is so prone to imagine when masturbating (or is it that one is prone to masturbating when imagining…?).

- If you do not control your thoughts, your mind is able to lead you to mental places that will adversely affect your life. If you let your mind think about having sex with Sigourney Weaver, then you’ll dis-attach from your wife who looks nothing like the actress, or you’ll develop desires that could never be fulfilled when you get married, or you’ll end up imagining Sigourney’s face on your wife’s face when you have sex, or something like those things.

- It is not wrong to masturbate.

- It is wrong to masturbate if it betrays your conscience.

- It is risky to masturbate while imagining having sex with your wife. It’s possible and easy to turn her into an object of no more than sexual pleasure.

- It is wrong to masturbate while looking at photographs/videos. When doing so, you’re manipulating your body to produce a certain response (what’s taken in through the eyes will cause a chemical release). This can lead to addictive behavior: conditioned stimuli like Pavlov and his dogs.

- It is wrong to not be candid with your wife about your practice or lack of practice of masturbation. Let her in on your sexuality however you can.

I’ve learned that sin is not really about the act of breaking a commandment. It goes much deeper. It accounts for motivations, subtleties, hardening of heart, and more. However I’m just starting to practice articulating the depth of sin that I believe in, so bear with my vagueness. If you want to approach masturbation rightly, then be honest with yourself. Look inside with honest eyes. You have a body that was created to have an outlet sexually, that demands, in a natural way, sexual satisfaction. Take your body seriously. You might experience confusion, but that’s better than hardening your heart, or feeling guilty every time you respond to your body’s needs.

Good luck, may God lead you.

Four Tet - Hands

One of the most pointed messages that the American Christian Church is sending you is, “You should wait to have sex until you’re married.” Let’s dissect this message a little.

In Bible days, the cultures represented had their own rules and laws about sex before marriage. Basically, if a woman had sex before marriage (and was caught), she was shamed, her family was shamed, and she became “damaged goods” illegible for normal marriage (or available for a fraction of the previous bride price). If a man had sex before marriage, I think nothing usually happened. If I could use the horrid term, this is the “Biblical” presentation of sex before marriage.

Also, in most ancient cultures (read: in “Bible days”), it was normal for a young man and woman to marry in their mid-teens. In many cultures, as soon as a girl had her first menstrual cycle, she was eligible for marriage. For 99% of human history, people have [gotten married] soon after their bodies were sexually capable. This means that in Bible days, they had less time to have sex before they were married.

Now here we are, as Christian Americans, and we’re generally expected to wait until we’re 18-25ish years old to get married (and of course to have sex). That means we have 5-10 more years that we’re expected to sit and wait to have sex, when our bodies are urging us to have sex.

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Remove the glamor of a wedding day for a moment. Remove flowers, gown, colors, and rings, just for a moment. But leave the priest and the vows. According to Christian tradition, it is sin to have sex in the morning, before the priest ushers you to say “I do”. But afterward, have at it. Suddenly, magically, from God’s point of view, you’re now licensed to have sex.

Does this seem as weird to you as it does to me? What has changed in the relationship between the woman and man? Nothing. They’ve attended a magical ritual that filters the sin from the sex from here forward.

What if you (a young man) and a young woman were the only survivors of a nuclear Armageddon (sweet!), and there was no priest to marry you (after all, you have to continue the human race). What do you do? Would it be a sin to have sex with her?

I intend to make you realize that popular culture (in your American Christian world) is dictating many of your views of what’s wrong and right. Jesus and the biblical authors didn’t have much to say concerning premarital sex- partly because their cultures already dealt with the matter sufficiently, and partly because they thought that there were more important things with which to concern yourself. I’m not saying that God doesn’t care about your relationship. But sometimes the message is sent that premarital sex is the worst thing in the world, and that it would be better to “come home in a pine box than to lose [your] chastity” (via Magpie Girl. She has some great posts about premarital sex. I highly recommend reading).

Anyway, the problem is that our American Christian culture’s mandated way of life is not sufficient. It does not allow us to cope well enough with reality. Our culture has made it the norm to get married late, and it has not developed a functional coping system for not having sex until marriage. It says, “Sex before marriage is the most sinful and shameful thing you can do as a Christian, so don’t do it.” It leads its way through threats and fear. In this way, your bred, ingrained, deep taught, inescapable culture is against you.

I wish I had more explanation than this, but here is some of the problem defined: the church expects you to not be sexual until you’re married at 22 years old. And so for 10 years of your life, you’re fighting against your body’s natural instincts. This fight with your body causes a disharmony (between your psyche and your body) that is not appropriate for living as a healthy member of God’s kingdom and story. This disharmony instead breeds shame and confusion.

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So what’s the answer?

Unfortunately our culture has such a thick and stubborn sex-before-marriage outlook that it’s far beyond me to deconstruct it and construct something better. Such a project would need the collaboration of many honest, experienced, and compassionate people. That’s why I invite you to make donations of wisdom and ask refining questions in the comments section.

Here are some suggestions and thoughts from me:

- I’m happy I waited to have sex until Lydia and I were married.

Consider when Jacob married Leah before he married her younger sister, Rachel. He and Leah went into the marriage tent to learn about each others’ bodies and the ins and outs of sex (no pun intended) for a solid week, as was the custom. Jacob learned about his own body as he began to have sex for the first times, as well as learned what a woman’s body was like. But he learned with Leah. They interacted (on some level) about these discoveries. They became attached relationally in profound ways because of this experience. Later, Jacob married Rachel, and they went into the marriage tent for a week. Imagine being Jacob or Rachel during that week. Seriously. Imagine it. Imagine how Jacob knew he and Rachel were not equal, sexually. He was the experienced one, and they both knew it. Imagine how Rachel would have felt like an afterthought, like she was second. Imagine how Rachel would have felt compared to her sister.

It was impossible for Jacob and Rachel to have the same sort of experience that Jacob and Leah had. Jacob and Rachel missed out on an incredible relationship-building learning experience.

This means more to me now that I’m married, and I’ve realized how much there is to learn about sex. I was naive to think sex was straightforward and simple. I had so much to learn, and although much of it was difficult, the learning experience has built an incredible bond between Lydia and I. We’ve come to trust each other like we could never have any other way.

- Find an older person you can trust, and if you want to, talk to them about sexuality. Many older folk are too shy to bring up very much conversation about sex. Please forgive them- their generation, and several generations before them, has forgotten the importance of passing on sex wisdom. They just don’t know better. This is one vast shortcoming of our culture.

- Try to be aware of yourself, especially of your body. God has crafted you carefully, and [he] hasn’t botched your body’s sexual system. Because my Christian culture made me feel so guilty for [being, thinking] sexual, I blocked out the voice of my heart. I built a wall between my heart and myself, and I formed a habit of not listening to my heart. This adversely affects my current love life.

Good luck. May God lead you.

Ratatat - Wildcat

This is the first of a series of posts on the subject of sex and romantic relationships.

There is a big problem with sex in American culture. We have little heritage of sex wisdom handed down from generation to generation. I want to start practicing articulating sex wisdom, so that I can be a source to others, who probably won’t have many other sources of wisdom along their path.

Honest discussion of sex is a taboo subject, in general, in Western Christian culture. This may be because we think discussion of sex will lead to promiscuity, akin to how discussion of food will lead to eating… …?

In any case, I was ill-equipped for sex by the time I had sex for the first time, the day or two after my wedding. On one hand, there’s no amount of information that can replace practice. On the other hand, information helps. My wife shares my experience. Lydia has described it this way: it felt like we were the very first humans, figuring things out for the first time. It’s good to figure things out, but it’s not good when my expectations form a rigid environment (sex was not like I see it in the movies). Some couples have good initial sex experiences, and some don’t.

…not that this series is about how to have sex. It’s about sex, but sex is broad and complex. Sexuality is integral to married relationship, and to every-day living with our bodies. Talking about it is worth the discomfort because having a healthy sexuality is wonderful, satisfying, and important.

I, for one, wish that others (my elders) would have breached the subject of sex (more often, and at all) with me. I know it’s awkward and uncomfortable, and I wouldn’t have responded gracefully, but it would have been worth it. My sex education came to me in Middle School, and it was very scientific in presentation. Otherwise my sex education came to me on magazine covers, movies, and jokes from other boys (who didn’t have the slightest clue about sex, let alone healthy sex(uality). I will not let these sources be the only sex teachers for my children.

This series is consciously and unconsciously directed toward an audience of American Christian teenagers, although I think there will be tidbits for everyone who will have a read. This decision is a little silly, since most of my readers are older than teenagers (the truth is that I’m volunteering with high schoolers and we’re on the topic of sex. I want to practice articulating some things here). Also, I’m a male, and I’ll be writing this with only editorial help from Lydia. That means this comes from a male perspective. If you’re a female, by all means read this, but also consider joining Lydia’s Facebook group The Red Tent (link coming soon), which is a female-only discussion environment about sex.

As for discussion here, I humbly request that you be more vocal than you would normally be. Even if you have a passing comment or question, please post it in the comments. This is because I’m trying to collect sex wisdom, for the benefit of future generations. However, you may post anonymously. You must enter an email address (which never is made public), and if you don’t want me to know who you are, enter your email address as anon@anon.com. After I allow the first comment from that email address, all others will automatically be posted. Thanks.

There is so much information to cover… I don’t intend to cover everything, or be able to. And watch out: some of my posts will have discernible endings and main points, while others will leave you in the middle of nowhere. Welcome to love.

As if I’m an expert…

Marcy Playground - Sex And Candy