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I’m starting a business. In the past I’ve had an eBay business with a partner, and have done numerous graphic design freelance jobs. Now I’m tackling something with a tremendous amount of risk, quite possibly the most significant project I’ve ever undertaken, and I feel the urge to compare it with graduate school and marriage…

Grad school was paid in increments (in both time and money), reducing the risk of the project. It was also easy for my friends and family members to accept. It’s a very acceptable venture.

Marriage wasn’t really a huge financial risk, and although I had my doubts, my feelings of love for Lydia reduced the perceived life risk. Also, engagement existed as a step toward marriage, so I didn’t have to make both commitments in one step.

But now here I am, and I don’t ever remember feeling so nervous. I find that if I don’t keep check on my thoughts, they spiral until my stomach is a mess with storms of nausea. And this is a consistent, month-long state that I’m in (grand opening is July 26, so I can only expect it to get worse from here).

Despite the threat of failure looming over my being, I find that I really can’t not pursue this path. This risky and demanding venture is the only real option, if I’m living consistent to the person I know I am. The choice to pursue this path honors my integrity, my masculinity, and my livelihood.

Even with bankruptcy, humiliation, and homelessness (read living with our parents) as possible outcomes, it will still have been worth it.

Everyone knows quotes like this from Theodore Roosevelt, right?

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

I’m sure someone else has said it even better than that, but you get the idea. The concept is the reality I’m living in now.

Iron and Wine - Naked As We Came

I recently had a birthday, and was enormously touched by the amount of love I received from those around me. I felt very liked. Lydia invited some people over to hang out, and though it was unbearably hot in our apartment, people still stuck around (I’m assuming in my honor, although it could have been because they didn’t have anywhere else to go). Each card I received had kind and thoughtful words written to me, and perhaps the most touching was the list of things that Lydia wrote about me in her blog.  Although I was embarrassed at the attention, it was touching to see the care that others have for me. I was humbled.

edit: Oh, and Lydia got me the D&D 4th edition rulebooks ^_^

Les Balayeurs du Désert - Décollage

So, the iPhone 3G is coming out a month from tomorrow, and is significantly faster, has a better GPS, has a better battery life?, is slightly thicker, is $10 more per month, and comes with a black or white back. Oh, and it’s $200.

I’ve been an iPhone user for almost a year. In anticipation of the upgrade, I sold my iPhone today, for $326 $475. I also bought a cheap phone today to hold me over for a month (the data plan for which I won’t have to pay this coming month covered the cost of the substitute phone).

So, I made $275, and I’m getting an upgraded iPhone.

Here’s why you might not want to do this:

Apple has decided to lower the price of the iPhone specifically so that it can be more “affordable”. The $10 extra per month will eventually make up for the lower initial cost (in my case, one year’s time), so although the payment may be more manageable for the consumer, it isn’t really more affordable. I find this pricing adjustment to be in bad taste.Here’s why I did do it:

There’s a time value of money, and my entreprenurial nature is fit to take advantage of $275 now, instead of saving $10 per month for two years.

I’ve recently started a business, for which this phone is a necessary tool. I get to write the expense off in my taxes.

There is a thrill in doing these sorts of things. Once I bought a Wii for a Christmas party, you know, when they were impossible to get, only to sell it off for the same amount the following week. It’s also sort-of how I made millions of gil in Final Fantasy Online.

It is attractive to me to give up a valued material possession for a month. A little like fasting, but with more of a flavor of proving to myself that I am independent of a thing.Band of Horses - Wicked Gil

No point… just lolcats:

The bottom one’s my favorite.

Totally Radd!! - Mike Tyson’s Punch Out

Chapter 1 - The Concept

There’s this concept that I’ve learned and live with, and it goes like this:

There is a degree of knowing a thing that is deep and personal. This kind of knowing is beyond cognitive. This known thing is embedded in the knower’s heart and displayed in the knower’s living - influencing his decisions and changing his responses to circumstances.

I often refer to this known thing as, “something you’ve learned yourself,” or, “something God has taught to your heart,” or, “something your heart has learned deeply,” et cetera. It stands apart from cognitively agreeing with an idea, especially one that someone else has offered.

Donald Miller says (something like) if one doesn’t live out what one says he believes, then he must not really believe it. This is the same vein of thought as I’m bringing up in this post.

Finally (in describing the concept), I’ll say that the things that one comes to learn and know are of utmost value in life. These known things turn out to be some of the treasures that moths can’t chew at nor anyone could ever steal. I believe all should tack great worth to these known things and be willing to die to honor them.

Chapter 2 - Disconnects From Real Life

Identifying what we truly know is difficult on two accounts: 1) a known thing can be abstract, unclear, have fuzzy edges, and wobble around based on the circumstance its in. And 2) it can be disturbing to find out that we have no lived-out evidence that we actually do believe a thing we say we believe.

The first difficulty will sort its own way out. We will read a sentence in a book or see a deed done or hear a speaker say something, and all of a sudden that abstract thing will become articulated, the fuzzy edges will turn clear. Merely have patience and believe that the Great Teacher intends to teach it to your more fully in due time. The second difficulty… well, you need to get over it.

I’ve found that I’ve never deeply learned most things I’ve been taught that I should believe. Yes, this is disturbing.¹

And to even further trash (some of) my readers’ trust in me, the Bible doesn’t seem to be about most of the things that I’ve truly learned the deepest. Sure, I could use the Bible as a tool to support those great things that I’ve learned, but I’d be working backwards: creating my thesis first and addressing the Bible second. Perhaps the Bible’s authors would agree that the things I’ve learned are of primary value, but they considered those things so basic and obvious that they failed to talk about them explicitly in the Bible.

Most of the primary religions (including Christianity) have a sort of list of precepts that their adherents must adopt. The adoption of these precepts is funny, because there can be little enforcement or proof about an adherent adopting a precept. An adherent can adopt a precept in practice, in cognitive agreement, deeply within his heart, a mix of these, or not at all and say he does. In the traditional Christianity of the last century, things like scriptural inerrancy, the fall of mankind, the coming of Christ, the death/resurrection of Jesus, salvation by grace, et cetera comprise that list. Here’s an example. I find it quite… question-inducing that this list be made up of such intellectual/psychological items. They’re things that are cognitively decided upon to be true or false. Two people can have completely identical lifestyles, yet one can deem those items true, and the other deem them false, and, in popular Christianity, one person will be eternally blessed while the other is eternally tortured.

In any case, I write that to point out that I don’t particularly think that most of the items on the list of Christian doctrinal essentials have buried themselves (or were buried by God) deep into my heart. I haven’t learned most of them for myself. Most of them don’t create the story in which that I live out my life, even at my best moments as my best self.

Chapter 3 - Some of My Deeply Known Things

Here are some of the things I believe in. These are an example. They will seem arbitrary. There’s too much pressure and holiness in the task of making a comprehensive presentation, at least at this point in my life.

The Virtue of Learning/Growing - God’s promise of continually shaping us into the image of Christ is one of my very favorite promises in scripture. But [he] doesn’t do it without cooperation. In virtually every moment of our lives, there are things to learn; ways to grow. We become more powerful and influential, more magical and sensitive, stronger in our strengths and more balanced in our weaknesses. We become more an asset to the world and to God’s intended story for the world. And not only do we grow individually, but as societies and as a species, able to turn tides of history.

Self honesty - I remember at about age 19 realizing the freedom that comes from confronting the things in our lives we naturally don’t want to look at, out of self preservation. It takes a certain amount of strength and resolve to stop lying to ourselves about this or that.

God’s conspiracy of blessing humans - In all ways, God leads toward greatness, treasure, fulfilled destiny, and heavenly riches for the whole world. We would have to try hard to ignore, to deviate, to deny, and to reject the path of blessing that [he] guides us towards.

Infinite worth in each life - Regardless of what anyone deserves or not, each person is invaluable, and we should endeavor to come to the place of laying down our lives for anyone.

Sanctity of non-human life - Animals and plants should be treasured and respected.

I don’t declare that these things should be the new list that everyone needs to cognitively agree with in order to get into heaven. These things are some of the things that I’ve learned deeply. I would die for these values.

Bright Eyes - Bad Blood (Lyrics)

¹A brighter way of looking at this disturbance is to realize that humans learn more by example than by speech - and that the things that my teachers (parents, etc.) deeply knew, they could never conceal, because those things were lived out. So in a sense, I did truly learn some of the things that they truly knew.²If anyone knows the artist of this image, please let me know.

Blur - Sweet Song (Lyrics)

I would have included this on my “links of interest” post, but it’s just too important - it stands out too far above everything.

www.betterworldshopper.com

BETTER WORLD SHOPPER is a site dedicated to providing people with a comprehensive, up-to-date, reliable account of the social and environmental responsibility of every company on the planet AND making it available in practical forms that individuals can use in their everyday lives. Coming out of more than 5 years of intensive research, this work is based on a comprehensive database of over 1000 companies and utilizes 25+ reliable sources of data to cover everything from the environment to human rights, community development to animal protection.

I took some time one day to browse through the categories, looking at where each company ranked, but then days and weeks went by, and I found that these rainbow-colored tables burned their mark onto my brain. As I look at a variety of products on the shelf of the store, I remember where they rank on the BWS charts. I think that the Universe made an exception and let me photo-memorize this content, on the basis of how important to the world it is.

So, this resource instantly became a part of my day-to-day life. It changed my spending/consuming habits. For instance, I no longer drink Pabst nor buy food at Baja Fresh- two things that I did frequently during my BC days (C stands for Better World Shopper).

Please consider using this valuable resource!

I recently asked a reformed friend of mine to summarize the Bible. Partly, I thought it was a good project for anyone to work through (although I have never made such a summary), and partly I wanted to create some ground for discussion with that friend. I think his response reminded both of us of the enormity of the challenge.

In a sort of preparation to a future post I have in mind, let me tell you the greatest, in my opinion, limitation of the Bible; a great gap between the Bible and its readers:

For the most part, the Bible does not include, except by accident, things that its authors took for granted in life. For a flipped example, I might say:

I recently emailed my senator about passing stricter laws concerning gas emissions.

Let’s say that a first century reader obtained this, and let’s say the concept of email, computers, the internet, gas-powered automobiles/machines, and the function of the ozone layer were explained to him, and lets say this was translated into his language immaculately. Here are just a few of the assumptions that he wouldn’t share with us:

• Communication via email has become available and widely used only in the past 15 or so years.

• There is a cost for using email at home, and much for that reason the underprivileged have generally not adopted it.

• Regarding me communicating with the senator: The structure of the USA’s government, the nuances of the USA’s government, and everything in between is a world apart from the reader’s country’s government.

• Not long ago, the industrial revolution changed the whole world. This was partly the beginning of the ozone layer’s deterioration.

Can you begin to imagine how much is not said in humans’ communication? Now instead of one sentence, take sixty-six books written by many authors, many of which who lived during incredibly different eras from the others (eras longer apart than, for instance, the length between now and when the first white people came to the Americas). Now consider the language difference, and now consider the fact that those who are closest to you sometimes misunderstand you.

My intention is not to end on a note of hopelessness, but of challenge. First of all, the historical quest is of utmost importance. It is encouraging that historical discoveries are made every day, and more literature is becoming available. On this subject I recommend to you the works of historian/theologian/Bishop of Durham N.T. Wright. Secondly, God/Truth is greater than what is contained in the pages of the Bible. Neither God nor Truth will keep themselves from us regardless of the challenges of interpreting the Bible.

Regina Spektor - Samson (Lyrics)

I found the following remarkable, in one way or another, sorted by name:

The 800 pound Gorilla - On scriptural inerrancy. Also see the post after it continuing the subject.
Life Explained (With Diagrams) - A brilliantly creative short video. I hate to explain it (and thus dissect it and take the life out of it), but please do take a minute for it (or four).
Signs Of Spring From Mark Jenkins - Creative street art (2 photos).
Shop and Eat Locally - A few how-to tips, since this can be easier said than done.
South Korean President Sets Example - Joyful news.
Street Art At Its Best #2 - Another street art photo. Very cute.
Twelve Virtues of Rationality/The Simple Truth - Essays on rationality and truth, respectively, obviously. The first is so concise it’s dense (and brilliant), the next is told in a hilarious narrative. Had me laughing out loud, though I was alone.
Two Female Leads - A study revealing the surprisingly low number of movies with top-billed female leads.
Voice of the Day: Marva J. Dawn - A small excerpt on observing the Sabbath “Wholly”.

Animal Collective - Leaf House

…partially prompted by Charles L.’s recent post, though it’s been sitting in my “to_blog.txt” file for a while.

Not to bore you, but I recently found these poems that I wrote in 2001, which will be my artistic introduction:

i finally have the right perspective of life
i did yesterday
tomorrow is a new day
i wonder if i will finally have the right perspective of life tomorrow

today it’s not that hard to live
i just need to be patient
i’ll just roll with life until the end
until i’m in heaven, where i don’t need a perspective

yesterday i need to spread the gospel
so that more people can go to heaven
i should spend all my time investing in other souls
that way less people are wasted

tomorrow is always in the future
God is sovereign, a choice made by me
i wonder if i will finally have the right perspective of life tomorrow
i wonder if tomorrow will ever come

and

she looks the same as she ever did
when she smiles
or was i not paying enough attention to the way she used to smile?
i can’t see the lies, pain, guilt
the only reason i can imagine them there is because i know they exist

ah, well. life goes on for me
it doesn’t for others
whenever it doesn’t for me
it does for others
it shouldn’t for me
or should, if it did for others

you should let life go on so that you can get to heaven
regardless
of who you think might go to hell
you can’t give up your place for someone else
like you can here

Childhood: The story I believed (my ‘framing story’) was that there was a place in the infinite afterlife called Heaven, and God controlled who did and did not enter, and Heaven was (much) better than Earth. I remember coming up with a plan when I was, oh, younger than 8, in which I would drop out of school, lock myself in my bedroom with a Bible for a few years, and once I’d become as holy as I thought necessary, I’d kill myself for a straight route to heaven. Very logical, actually, if you think about it.

Adolescence: I resented being alive while there was a better place reserved for me upon death. I really couldn’t fathom the point of sticking around on Earth. I thought God had made a stupid system.

Young-adulthood: Martyrdom sounded like a noble career path. Obviously I was more interested in leaving my world than being truly pious towards God. Somewhere along the line, my logic concluded that evangelism was the sole point of living, because within this framing story, it’s the only logical reason why humans don’t die once they place allegiance in God’s way. This grieved me, because of all things, evangelism as I knew it took the spark and substance right out of life. 1) I’m an introvert, and 2) I hate sales. I hated the point of life.

As much as I seek truth, I began (since childhood, I’m sure) to piece together other possible scenarios. Other framing stories. Ones that would fit better with the life that I’ve experienced. The unaddressed questions kept nagging at me (”Why does history tell us that individuals and groups of people aligned their allegiance with God before the idea of Heaven existed?” and et cetera, not to mention any of my questions about Hell), until I stopped practicing belief in the matter. I’d usually skirt the issue in conversation or when ministering.

I think throughout the American Christian culture there was a broad spirit of discontent about the notion of Heaven and the popular Christian amount of emphasis placed on it, because eventually, I found out I was far from being the only one having these problems with Heaven. As quickly as I heard others’ voices on the matter (oh, three years ago or so), my discontent was legitimized and I was on my way to a new framing story, which is something like

I think Jesus was inviting people to participate in a new kind of Kingdom that was to actively participate in the world of the now with the things that resonate close to the heart of God.

(I think my jump to the quote might need the context of the rest of Charles’ post. I depends on how much you’re already in this… conversation).

Beirut - Scenic World (Lyrics). (Beirut won over Death Cab’s “I Will Follow You into the Dark” and Belinda Carlisle’s “Heaven is a Place on Earth”)

Phantom Buffalo - Parasitic Wedding Vows